In honor of the approaching Academy Awards, below are a few examples of horrendous Oscar fashion.  The following actresses, all former winners and generally lovely looking ladies, chose to take their stylists’ advice and show up looking like—well, like they look below.  (Most of them would have been better off in jeans and a Gap T.)

1.  Gwyneth Paltrow

Shakespeare is no longer in love.  Looking more like a medieval serving wench than an Oscar-winning actress, Gwyneth Paltrow slouches down the red carpet, offering a little nip for good measure.  Maybe the tight hausfrau braid put a strain on her fashion judgment.

2.  Meryl Streep

The reigning empress of American acting, Meryl Streep can seemingly do no wrong on the silver screen.  With two Oscars, one for 1977’s “Kramer  vs. Kramer” and the other for 1982’s amazing turn in “Sophie’s Choice,” there is no doubting Streep’s acting acumen.  Unfortunately, her talents don’t seem to extend to the wardrobe.  At the very least, she could have changed out of her PJs…

3. Kate Winslet

I’m expecting her to beg for $300 to save Tara at any moment…  Kate Winslet proved an Oscar bridesmaid the year of “Titanic,” but the real tragedy was this dubious emerald ensemble.  She would go on to win an Oscar as a former Nazi prison guard in 2008’s “The Reader.”

4.  Cate Blanchett

It takes a brave woman to wear fashion’s version of the Bubonic plague.  Modeling Trekkie shoulders and a pleated paper plate, “Aviator” winner Cate Blanchett defines fashion misstep.

And Katharine Hepburn wouldn’t be caught dead in this.

5. Kim Basinger

Oh, Vicki Vale… Much like Kim Basinger’s career after “L.A. Confidential,” major sections of this dress are missing.  Half fencing jacket, half Jessica Rabbit cast-off, Kim’s not helping herself with the stringy hair and hoop skirt.  Of course, a single glove is always a winner…

6.  Cher

Yes!

7.  Geena Davis

There’s no way Louise is hanging with Thelma in this get-up.  Between the push-up corset and cockroach crushing booties, the “Accidental Tourist” Oscar-winner looks like a Can-Can girl minus the awesome dancing.

(And is it just me, or does she appear to be dragging along a pile of black laundry in the train?)

8.  Whoopi Goldberg

Pick your favorite:

No one’s gonna be making Whoopi in this outfit.

Here’s a leopard who should have changed her spots.

And we thought “Sister Act 2” was the worst it could get.

9.  Hilary Swank

Boys Don’t Cry, but I do.  After playing a boy and a boxer, Hilary Swank obviously thought she needed to boost the femininity quotient with a pink, transparent mosquito net.

10.  Angelina Jolie

In 2000, the “Girl, Interrupted” winner scored a smooch with her bro, reached for the golden idol then crawled back into her coffin before sunrise…

Katie L. Fetting is a Seattle-based writer who hopes when she’s nominated for her Oscar, a snotty writer (like her) won’t call her out for wearing skinny jeans, mildewed flip flops and a rainbow tube top.

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1. Lose weight

One of the most popular New Year’s resolutions is to lose weight. What starts as a positive step in a life-changing direction can fall by the wayside when sticking to a new eating and exercise regimen becomes difficult or boring. Be reasonable about your expectations and go slowly. While weight may initially seem to fall off, hitting a plateau is likely. Keep yourself going with a daily walk on a treadmill, writing in a food diary to remain accountable, and making substitutions so as to not feel deprived.

2. Quit smoking

Believe it or not, it is possible to quit smoking. Do not expect, however, to be nicotine-free overnight. Operate at your own speed. Whether you wean yourself off cigarettes or can quit cold turkey, do what works for you. Don’t compare your progress to someone else’s; you are on your own journey. Consider joining a support group, visiting your doctor for a prescription for the patch, and/or requesting smoking cessation materials from the American Cancer Society. Once you have a better idea of what nicotine does to your body, ‘staying quit’ may be a bit easier.

3. Get debt under control
If only those pesky monthly expenses like rent and utilities could take a backseat while you catch up on debt! Whether you’re paying down student loans, making a car payment, or trying to wriggle free of credit card use, you can take steps towards reducing your debt by creating a budget. Use a program like Quicken to track where your money is currently going. Rather than relying on Starbucks for your good morning latte, brew coffee at home. Whatever steps you take to start saving money, make sure you leave a little splurge money so you won’t feel punished for being fiscally responsible.

4. Go back to school

While it would be easier to attain a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree by enrolling in school full-time, doing so is often not possible given the 40-hour work week and considerations like raising children. Take baby steps: plan a campus visit, research classes that will fit into your schedule, and start by enrolling in one class per semester. One small step will still set you on the path to reach your goal.

5. Volunteer

Giving back is a noble and worthwhile cause but it also has to complement your life. Sign up for volunteer efforts with organizations close to your heart, whether you’re helping preserve the environment or raising funds for cancer research. Volunteering for a cause that you wholly support can make it easier to schedule time when you can help out.

There’s no reason that making New Year’s resolutions has to be met with groans or shame about what you did or didn’t do last year. Just be realistic about your personal expectations, take small steps towards your goals, and remember to reward yourself for your progress. Success awaits!

Holly Watson is an avid writer who enjoys blogging on behalf of Sears and other prestigious brands. She enjoys crafting, making cake pops, and exercising her fashionista muscle whenever possible.

7. Holiday Inn – 1942

Nothing better than a drunk Fred Astaire, I always say.

6. The Gold Rush – 1925

Maybe the saddest New Year’s Eve scene ever – The Tramp has invited a beautiful woman and some other guest to dinner on New Year’s Eve. Nobody shows up, so he entertains his imaginary friends instead.

5. The Godfather:  Part II – 1974

Short and sweet, the New Year’s scene is significant in the second Godfather movie because it is where Michael reveals that he know that Fredo betrayed him. Possibly THE most famous scene from any of the films from The Godfather trilogy, though if you’re me you pretend the third one doesn’t exist. Blech.

4. Strange Days – 1995

A totally underrated movie starring The Man Who Would Be Voldemort, this is one of the biggest New Year’s Eve scenes I’ve ever seen on film. Considering seconds before this portion of the clip we thought the two main protagonists were going to be beaten to death, it’s nice that it ended the way it did.

3. Sunset Boulevard – 1950

Norma Desmond was my kind of girl. Why should the fact that you’re washed up, deranged, and other adjectives deter you from hiring an entire orchestra for you and the guy who is begrudgingly spending time with you? This clip is a a little cut up – it has the famous tango, but a fan has dropped other clips from the movie in there too. Helpful for those of you who want to get the gist of the movie. Annoying if you just want to watch the New Year’s scene.

2. Radio Days – 1987

Amazing that the only clip I can find is the whole darn movie. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. If you just want to see the scene, skip to the end. One of the best Woody Allen movies. Ever.

1. When Harry Met Sally – 1989

Probably the best-loved New Years scene of all time, Harry finally admits he’s in love with Sally, and gives this amazing romantic speech, and they live happily ever after. Sorry if you consider that a spoiler, but if you haven’t seen that movie, you deserve it. Plus, it’s a late-eighties romantic comedy. Of COURSE it has a happy ending. Since The Gold Rush, The Godfather: Part II, and Sunset Boulevard all depict sort of dystopian New Year’s Eves, and Strange Days is a happy ending in a melee of violence, it’s nice to end on Radio Days, which ends on a hopeful note, and When Harry Met Sally, which ends in an “awwwww” note. Wonder what that whole movie about New Year’s Eve is going to be like?

1. “The Christmas Invasion” – Dr. Who, 2005

This was a banner episode for Dr. Who.  Technically a Christmas special, it marked the first full episode with David Tennant as the 10th Doctor, and was the first Christmas special in the history of the show.

2. “Guess Who’s Coming to Christmas” – Happy Days, 1974

While everybody anxiously anticipates great times with family at Christmastime, Richie discovers that Fonzie has nobody to spend the holidays with. Of course, he’s invited to spend the holidays with the Cunninghams, and to top if off, he’s asked to say the blessing, showing that he’s a real member of their family. Aw. The whole episode is posted above.

3. “The Night of the Meek” – The Twilight Zone, 1960

A drunk department store Santa gets to be the REAL Santa forever. A surprisingly touching episode of The Twilight Zone, Rod Sterling’s closing narration invites everyone to appreciate the magic of Christmas.

4. “Santa Claus” – Mystery Science Theater 3000, 1993

A demon is out to kill Santa Claus. Hilarity ensues.

5. “A Vision of Sugar Plums” – Bewitched, 1964

Samantha takes an orphan to The North Pole to make him believe in Santa Claus. Better than the episode with blackface, for sure.

6. “Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo” – South Park, 1997

I don’t know why, but it is so funny to me that this clip isn’t in English. Plus, I don’t have to worry about foul language? Oh come on, it’s not like you haven’t seen it anyway.

7. “The Christmas Tree Lot” – Ozzie & Harriet, 1957

Rick and David start up their own Christmas tree lot to earn enough money to buy a present for their dad, but they learn that running a business is harder than they thought. Good, wholesome fun.

8. “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” – The Simpsons, 1989

This was the first full-length episode of The Simpsons. Can you believe it aired in 1989? Gosh we’re old.

9. “Amends” – Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1998

Angel, after his return from a hell dimension, is haunted by The First Evil, who takes the form of people Angel killed when he didn’t have a soul. He goes to meet the sun, and Buffy pleads with him to stay alive. Yes, I am a geek.

Admittedly, there are more I wanted to ad, but the episodes were not available for embedding, and what’s the fun in just having me tell you about them? Included in the epsisodes with no available videos:

“The Man With The Bag” – Ally McBeal, 2000 – Nelle’s father thinks he’s Santa Claus
“Forgiveness and Stuff” – Gilmore Girls, 2000 – Lorelei gets uninvited to her parents’ Christmas party, where her dad has a heart attack.
“Ludachristmas” – 30 Rock, 2007 – Liz’s family comes to visit for the holidays. Matching sweaters.
“Christmas Party” – The Office (USA), 2005 – the gift exchange gets complicated, everybody gets drunk.

1. Battery life

Before you purchase a camera, you’ll want to make sure its battery is reliable and won’t conk out when you need it most. Choose a model whose battery holds a charge well. When stocking your camera bag with accessories, be sure to include spare camera batteries. You don’t want to find your camera dead when you want to capture a fading sunset or a momentous event like your child accepting his/her diploma.

2. Digital capabilities

Do you want to see your photos immediately after you take them or can you spend the time involved in using a traditional camera and film? A digital camera will allow you to review and delete any pictures that came out blurry or otherwise undesirable. Digital will also allow you to download pictures to your laptop and subsequently upload them to your email, webpage, or Facebook. You can still accomplish these tasks with a traditional camera; it will simply take a little longer.

3. Size

How much storage space will you need? If you use the camera occasionally, perhaps only at holiday parties, you might not need much space. If you’re planning to attend an awards ceremony or go on a long overseas trip, you will want to make sure your digital camera has considerable room to store your images until you can download them. It’s wise to also keep on hand an extra memory card, which will eliminate any worry that you’ll run out of room before you can get them transferred from camera to computer.

4. Adaptability

Consider how adaptable you need your camera to be. Do you often change settings to capture different types of images, switch out different types of lenses for alternate shots, or need to attach or remove a flash in a hurry? Imagine that you want to shoot an impromptu picture (as many photographs occur) and how quickly you can make modifications to get the shot you want.

5. Speed

Are you going to use your camera for high-speed events, like photographing sporting events or nature shots? If so, you’ll want to find a camera with a high burst rate. If you’re looking to capture that half-court, three-point shot or snag a photo of a hummingbird at a feeder, your camera salesperson can help direct you to the right camera for you.

No matter what amenities you need your camera to include, be patient and take the time to research the options available to you and your budget. With a little investigatory work, you can take home the perfect camera for your needs.

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Most A-List celebrities are movie stars and sports heroes, so it should come as no surprise that they prize (and value) their bodies considerably more than the average Joe.

Below are the most bizarre body parts insured by our favorite stars.  They include everything from derrieres to chest hair.

Breasts – Holly Madison

Ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison insured her lady lumps for $1 million, making Dolly Parton (whose famed bosom is covered for a measly $600,000) look like a slouch.

The Butt – Jennifer Lopez

The butt that launched a thousand implants, various reports have Jennifer Lopez’s bootilicious rear insured for between $300 million and $1 billion.  But of late, J-Lo’s received some major competition for the junk-in-the-trunk crown.  Close on her heels is famed royal-in-law Pippa Middleton; Pippa’s Maid of Honor padding set off a world-wide craze and the tabloids just can’t seem to get enough of her trendy boots and skinny jeans.

Chest Hair – Tom Jones

That Tom Jones insured his chest hair for $7 million is particularly ironic considering how many people pay to have theirs removed.

Feet – Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley, of Irish dancing fame, insured his fancy feet for $39 million (apparently $38 million was too little?)  After all, he IS the Lord of the Dance.

Hands – Keith Richards

Provided the rest of him hangs together, Keith Richards’ hands will return a hefty sum of $2 million should anything happen to them.

Legs – Mariah Carey & Friends

Far and away the most popular body part to insure, celebrities seem to have a real paranoia of losing their legs.  For footballers David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo, this may make some sense – but Jamie Lee Curtis?  Really?

Mariah Carey – $1 billion

Cristiano Ronaldo – $144 million

David Beckham – $70 million

Tina Turner – $3.2 million

Heidi Klum – $2.2 million

Jamie Lee Curtis – $2 million

Angie Dickinson – $1 million

Rihanna – $1 million

Betty Grable – $1 million (1940s dollars, non-inflation adjusted)

Mary Hart – $1 million

Teeth – America Ferrara

America Ferrera  – of “Ugly Betty” and “Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants” fame – had her grill insured by Aquafresh for $10 million as part of a charity campaign.

Tongue – Gene Simmons

The KISS front man values his protruding muscular hydrostat at $1 million.  Just how he would lose this tongue is a mystery…

And some other random fun facts about crazy celeb insurance:

–  David Lee Roth’s sperm insured his sperm for $1 million to cover any potential paternity suits.

–  Cricket player Merv Hughes insured his famous trademark mustache for $317,000.

–  Funny man Ben Turpin was the first celebrity to insure a body part.  He valued his comical, often crossed eyes at $25,000 in the 1910s.

Katie has a love-hate relationship with celebrity culture and the insurance industry (in that order).  She is a conspiracy theorist who believes Pippa Middleton is a fraud perpetrated by the UK’s powerful skinny jeans lobby.

The Paper Christmas Cards

Hey Cowgirl

Yee Haw!

Santa Flies

Reindeer, apparently, are jerks.

Bill O’Reilly is a Christmasy Dude

Nothing Says Christmas Like Guns

Or, rather, nothing says Christmas like a dog holding a gun and looking sad.

More Evidence Reindeer are Jerks

Social media  + Reindeer = Mega Jerks

Krampus Wishes

In Austria, Krampus is the guy who visits along with St. Nicholas.  While St. Nicholas gives presents to the good little boys and girls, Krampus tortures the bad little children.  Yeah.

Monkeys Like Christmas Too

It’s just so weird.

Homemade is Great

I’m sure her parents are so proud.

Goth and Christmas?

The girl in the photo before may have made this card, eh?

Corporate Cards Have So Much Soul

These animals are dancing because you spend money with our company.  Sweet.

The Christmas E Cards

Marketing Buzzwords

Synergy.

White People

that has an enormous sled that you all ride down the hill on while smiling.

Christmas Party

At least try to wait until you get home.

Rage

Eagerly.

Holiday Wishes

And I still won’t tell you if I am or not.

Holiday Bonus

Next year, working on Christmas will be the new Christmas bonus.

Homeless

And then we can talk about giving money to charity but spend it on pedicures.

Christmas Lights

Two words – surge protectors.

Holiday Cheer

Amen.

Gift Giving

This is what it’s like at my house.

Not Funny

Santa is such a jokester.

Got a funny Christmas card to share? Add a link in the comments. Thanks.

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Getting ready for a special event? There’s nothing more special than a wedding, bar mitzvah or other “milestone” event to celebrate. But all of these special events take a lot of work and hard effort to plan; sometimes they can seem so overwhelming. Why is it that some seem to plan them so effortlessly when others stress and fuss over every details? Here are 10 of our favorite tips to help you easily plan & organize any special event with ease.

5. Try to work with time on your side. You can never start planning a special event too early. The more time you have – the better prepared you can be. Not only to reserve a banquet hall or reception center but to visit vendors and create your guest list. Do your best to plan special events with as much time in advance as you can – so you have as many options and your planning has the opportunity to be less stressful.

4. Create a budget and stick to it! This is probably one of the most important tips of all. But one of the biggest challenges is that most people planning special events truly don’t understand how much things will cost. So they’ll put aside a certain amount for flowers when flowers actually cost a different amount – causing them to be surprised. With internet access you have the ability to “surf” and do more research to create a more realistic and sensible budget so try to see what some of your budgeted items should be expected to cost AS you make your budget.

3. Decide as a family or a couple what your “must have’s” are. This is part of budget planning but also part of easily planning any special event. Many people discover that they truly want to have live music and they don’t mind having fewer flowers. Or they may want lots and lots of flowers but they’ll forego something else – like live music. Every family and couple are different so only you can decide which items are important to you.

2. Ask family and friends for help…sensibly and realistically. Some get upset or frustrated when family or friends “drop the ball” with helping to plan a special event – but sometimes a bride or other person planning a special event may be asking too much or someone. Try to give your family and friends specific tasks to accomplish and give them tasks that easily compliment their natural skills. So if your mother in law is a natural at decorating, ask for her advice in finding decorations for the reception hall. If your father is a savvy negotiator then ask him to negotiate prices with some of the vendors.

1. Keep everything in a single location. This is one of the most important things of all. You’ll want to keep all receipts, brochures and all information related to planning the special event in one location so it is easy to find. Best of all this means it will be right at your fingertips. A 3-ring binder with folders found at any office supply stationary store can be a great choice for many to keep everything well organized or consider a day planner just for the event.

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5. Courtney Stodden

This young lady made the news in May of 2011 as the 16-year-old bride of 51-year-old Doug Anthony Hutchison.  She is an aspiring country singer, and a completely inane Tweeter.  Her use of alliteration is disturbing, and she’s kind of an idiot.  Yet she has many Twitter followers and they’re giving her (gave her?) a reality show.  Go away, already.

4. Lindsay Lohan

How the mighty young Disney star has fallen.  Two DUIs, three stints in rehab, and more celebrity rag covers than you can shake a stick at.  I guess it’s hard being named one of the most promising child stars, and then being included in the 100 Sexiest Women.  Confusing, even.  Oh Li Lo – it’s time to retire.

3. Tom Cruise

After we forgave him for leeching the little bit of personality Katie Holmes out of her completely, after we saw him in Tropic Thunder, and once we started seeing less of him, then they give him a new Mission Impossible movie.  Hey, at least it has Simon Pegg in it.  We wish Cruise would disappear into the hills and take Mel Gibson with him.

2. Kim Kardashian

First off, she’s only famous because she’s pretty and rich.  Secondly, she had that sham marriage to that guy, and it only lasted 72 days.  Now she’s crying abuse.  Either way, she’s everywhere, and it doesn’t matter how pretty she is, we’re sick of her.  Go be rich quietly somewhere.  We’re tired of keeping up with you.

1. Dr. Phil

Yeah.  That’s right.  Dr. Phil.  He needs to go.  He’s a FORMER psychologist who feels like he’s qualified to give advice to people, and he does it in the most bumbling, yet condescending way possible.  He’s a blight on the TV, and he tried to capitalize on Britney Spears’ misfortunes.  Now THAT’S somebody who took the hint and disappeared…at least for this week.

Hemingway is a master of clarity and simplicity of communication. He had a well documented spat with William Faulkner over the economy of his language versus Faulkner’s comparatively florid prose and richer vocabulary. Hemingway puts a good argument for not using a long word when a short word will do. The Old Man and the Sea is a modern parable of extraordinary beauty. It is quite short and a beautiful allegory about human strength in the face of adversity.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger is a different prospect, but similarly short and written in familiar (American) English. The character speaks colloquially, in the idioms of the time. It is a story about disaffection, and the difficulties of adolescence. Initially banned and enduringly controversial it is popular among young men in particular and while coming from a place of pain is a great work of literature as well as being eminently readable.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time is a modern novel by Mark Haddon, written from the perspective of a boy with a behavioural disorder in the autistic spectrum, and is surprisingly touching as well as endearing and funny. The voice of the narrator is that of a child, and is very simple, but it’s a cracking read.

While there are plenty of English authors, there are of course great books in translation. Sometimes translations lose a little in the process, but Samuel Beckett, the Irish play-write, would translate his work into French and back again to best express himself in simple terms. Waiting for Godot explores dark themes with great humour in plain English.

One really good novel in translation for intermediate readers in English is Albert Camus’ absurdist classic, The Outsider (L’Etranger). It tells the story of Meursault, an Algerian who shoots and Arab after hearing of his mother’s death. It contains some interesting philosophy within a compellingly bleak story, which somehow maintains a stoic optimism in the face of meaninglessness.

George Orwell’s Animal Farm is another modern fable that resembles a children’s story on the surface, but sub-textually explores the problems with and history of communism in Russia, all set on a farmyard. A short book and an easy read that has much insight to give.

Life of Pi is the Booker Prize winning novel by Canadian author Yann Martel. It tells the story about a boy called Pi and his experiences marooned on a small boat with a Bengal Tiger called Richard Parker. Through the journey it explores different world faiths and the similarities in them and contrasts the choice between rationality and faith. Deep themes exist comfortably beside a sweet and inspiring story, and it’s a great read besides.

Lord of the Flies is William Golding’s classic novel exploring the dark side of the human condition through the trials of a class of children stuck on a desert island after a plane crash, and the violent behaviour that follows them being left to their own devices. Golding’s first novel is a staple for classrooms, and is read by many. Like Ernest Hemingway, William Golding was a recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature, and has demonstrated that accessible work can exist beside great profundity.

If you’re interested in learning English, check out this awesome English School infographic from Kaplan International.

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