In honor of the approaching Academy Awards, below are a few examples of horrendous Oscar fashion.  The following actresses, all former winners and generally lovely looking ladies, chose to take their stylists’ advice and show up looking like—well, like they look below.  (Most of them would have been better off in jeans and a Gap T.)

1.  Gwyneth Paltrow

Shakespeare is no longer in love.  Looking more like a medieval serving wench than an Oscar-winning actress, Gwyneth Paltrow slouches down the red carpet, offering a little nip for good measure.  Maybe the tight hausfrau braid put a strain on her fashion judgment.

2.  Meryl Streep

The reigning empress of American acting, Meryl Streep can seemingly do no wrong on the silver screen.  With two Oscars, one for 1977’s “Kramer  vs. Kramer” and the other for 1982’s amazing turn in “Sophie’s Choice,” there is no doubting Streep’s acting acumen.  Unfortunately, her talents don’t seem to extend to the wardrobe.  At the very least, she could have changed out of her PJs…

3. Kate Winslet

I’m expecting her to beg for $300 to save Tara at any moment…  Kate Winslet proved an Oscar bridesmaid the year of “Titanic,” but the real tragedy was this dubious emerald ensemble.  She would go on to win an Oscar as a former Nazi prison guard in 2008’s “The Reader.”

4.  Cate Blanchett

It takes a brave woman to wear fashion’s version of the Bubonic plague.  Modeling Trekkie shoulders and a pleated paper plate, “Aviator” winner Cate Blanchett defines fashion misstep.

And Katharine Hepburn wouldn’t be caught dead in this.

5. Kim Basinger

Oh, Vicki Vale… Much like Kim Basinger’s career after “L.A. Confidential,” major sections of this dress are missing.  Half fencing jacket, half Jessica Rabbit cast-off, Kim’s not helping herself with the stringy hair and hoop skirt.  Of course, a single glove is always a winner…

6.  Cher

Yes!

7.  Geena Davis

There’s no way Louise is hanging with Thelma in this get-up.  Between the push-up corset and cockroach crushing booties, the “Accidental Tourist” Oscar-winner looks like a Can-Can girl minus the awesome dancing.

(And is it just me, or does she appear to be dragging along a pile of black laundry in the train?)

8.  Whoopi Goldberg

Pick your favorite:

No one’s gonna be making Whoopi in this outfit.

Here’s a leopard who should have changed her spots.

And we thought “Sister Act 2” was the worst it could get.

9.  Hilary Swank

Boys Don’t Cry, but I do.  After playing a boy and a boxer, Hilary Swank obviously thought she needed to boost the femininity quotient with a pink, transparent mosquito net.

10.  Angelina Jolie

In 2000, the “Girl, Interrupted” winner scored a smooch with her bro, reached for the golden idol then crawled back into her coffin before sunrise…

Katie L. Fetting is a Seattle-based writer who hopes when she’s nominated for her Oscar, a snotty writer (like her) won’t call her out for wearing skinny jeans, mildewed flip flops and a rainbow tube top.

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7. Holiday Inn – 1942

Nothing better than a drunk Fred Astaire, I always say.

6. The Gold Rush – 1925

Maybe the saddest New Year’s Eve scene ever – The Tramp has invited a beautiful woman and some other guest to dinner on New Year’s Eve. Nobody shows up, so he entertains his imaginary friends instead.

5. The Godfather:  Part II – 1974

Short and sweet, the New Year’s scene is significant in the second Godfather movie because it is where Michael reveals that he know that Fredo betrayed him. Possibly THE most famous scene from any of the films from The Godfather trilogy, though if you’re me you pretend the third one doesn’t exist. Blech.

4. Strange Days – 1995

A totally underrated movie starring The Man Who Would Be Voldemort, this is one of the biggest New Year’s Eve scenes I’ve ever seen on film. Considering seconds before this portion of the clip we thought the two main protagonists were going to be beaten to death, it’s nice that it ended the way it did.

3. Sunset Boulevard – 1950

Norma Desmond was my kind of girl. Why should the fact that you’re washed up, deranged, and other adjectives deter you from hiring an entire orchestra for you and the guy who is begrudgingly spending time with you? This clip is a a little cut up – it has the famous tango, but a fan has dropped other clips from the movie in there too. Helpful for those of you who want to get the gist of the movie. Annoying if you just want to watch the New Year’s scene.

2. Radio Days – 1987

Amazing that the only clip I can find is the whole darn movie. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. If you just want to see the scene, skip to the end. One of the best Woody Allen movies. Ever.

1. When Harry Met Sally – 1989

Probably the best-loved New Years scene of all time, Harry finally admits he’s in love with Sally, and gives this amazing romantic speech, and they live happily ever after. Sorry if you consider that a spoiler, but if you haven’t seen that movie, you deserve it. Plus, it’s a late-eighties romantic comedy. Of COURSE it has a happy ending. Since The Gold Rush, The Godfather: Part II, and Sunset Boulevard all depict sort of dystopian New Year’s Eves, and Strange Days is a happy ending in a melee of violence, it’s nice to end on Radio Days, which ends on a hopeful note, and When Harry Met Sally, which ends in an “awwwww” note. Wonder what that whole movie about New Year’s Eve is going to be like?

Most A-List celebrities are movie stars and sports heroes, so it should come as no surprise that they prize (and value) their bodies considerably more than the average Joe.

Below are the most bizarre body parts insured by our favorite stars.  They include everything from derrieres to chest hair.

Breasts – Holly Madison

Ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison insured her lady lumps for $1 million, making Dolly Parton (whose famed bosom is covered for a measly $600,000) look like a slouch.

The Butt – Jennifer Lopez

The butt that launched a thousand implants, various reports have Jennifer Lopez’s bootilicious rear insured for between $300 million and $1 billion.  But of late, J-Lo’s received some major competition for the junk-in-the-trunk crown.  Close on her heels is famed royal-in-law Pippa Middleton; Pippa’s Maid of Honor padding set off a world-wide craze and the tabloids just can’t seem to get enough of her trendy boots and skinny jeans.

Chest Hair – Tom Jones

That Tom Jones insured his chest hair for $7 million is particularly ironic considering how many people pay to have theirs removed.

Feet – Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley, of Irish dancing fame, insured his fancy feet for $39 million (apparently $38 million was too little?)  After all, he IS the Lord of the Dance.

Hands – Keith Richards

Provided the rest of him hangs together, Keith Richards’ hands will return a hefty sum of $2 million should anything happen to them.

Legs – Mariah Carey & Friends

Far and away the most popular body part to insure, celebrities seem to have a real paranoia of losing their legs.  For footballers David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo, this may make some sense – but Jamie Lee Curtis?  Really?

Mariah Carey – $1 billion

Cristiano Ronaldo – $144 million

David Beckham – $70 million

Tina Turner – $3.2 million

Heidi Klum – $2.2 million

Jamie Lee Curtis – $2 million

Angie Dickinson – $1 million

Rihanna – $1 million

Betty Grable – $1 million (1940s dollars, non-inflation adjusted)

Mary Hart – $1 million

Teeth – America Ferrara

America Ferrera  – of “Ugly Betty” and “Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants” fame – had her grill insured by Aquafresh for $10 million as part of a charity campaign.

Tongue – Gene Simmons

The KISS front man values his protruding muscular hydrostat at $1 million.  Just how he would lose this tongue is a mystery…

And some other random fun facts about crazy celeb insurance:

–  David Lee Roth’s sperm insured his sperm for $1 million to cover any potential paternity suits.

–  Cricket player Merv Hughes insured his famous trademark mustache for $317,000.

–  Funny man Ben Turpin was the first celebrity to insure a body part.  He valued his comical, often crossed eyes at $25,000 in the 1910s.

Katie has a love-hate relationship with celebrity culture and the insurance industry (in that order).  She is a conspiracy theorist who believes Pippa Middleton is a fraud perpetrated by the UK’s powerful skinny jeans lobby.

The Orient Express was possibly the most prestigious and certainly most well-known luxury train in the world. Agatha Christie’s ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ was arguably the first murder-mystery novel set on a train; a disaster story for the victims. Disaster movies were to follow and remain a staple of the genre. Read on to find out my eleven picks from the 1940s to the present day.

Spy Train

Release date: 1943

With a plot summed up by ‘A train leaves Los Angeles with a Nazi spy, a woman, a reporter, their respective sidekicks, and the wrong suitcase: one with a bomb in it,’ you know you’re in for a runaround and a plethora of Nazi stereotypes.

The Train

Release date: 1964

Burt Lancaster and Paul Schofield get their teeth into a solid film based on the Resistance attempting to stop a train laden with French artworks being taken to Nazi Germany. In this day of CGI, it’s like a breath of fresh air to re-watch this and enjoy the air raid sequence and train crashes filmed for real: no model work or unrealistic graphics here.

Runaway!

Release date: 1973

It’s make your mind up time, fellow viewer. Does putting an exclamation mark in a film title a) increase your anticipation of what is sure to be an exciting film, or b) strike you as the producer’s poor attempt to inject some excitement into an otherwise limp title? As with most train disaster movies, the plot centres around an out-of-control runaway train. Expect this theme to keep reoccurring. ‘Runaway!’ is an action thriller that imperils its skier train passengers.

Runaway Train

Release date: 1985

A mere 12 years later would see the title being resurrected with a couple of changes. With a well known (if not too-starry) cast combining the talents of Jon Voight, Eric Roberts and Rebecca de Mornay as escaped convicts and train worker trapped on a runaway train. This film was touched by tragedy when the helicopter filming aerial shots collided with power lines, killing the pilot, Richard Holley.

Death Train

Release date: 1993

Hyperbole hits the train disaster movies’ titles. You can picture the producer’s meeting. Think big guy chomping down on a fat cigar. ‘We need a title. Has to let the audience know it’s about a train. Has to be catchy. Has to show peril. Whatcha got?’ Well the result for the UK was ‘Death Train’. The US ended up bizarrely with ‘Detonator’ and it starred Pierce Brosnan, Patrick Stewart and a hijacked train with a atomic bomb on board heading across Europe. Based on a novel by Alistair MacLean and you have a stimulating enough adaptation.

Under Siege 2 Dark Territory

Release date: 1995

Who would have thought a Steven Seagal sequel would lift the train disaster movie to new heights? Couple that with an intriguing title, some decent plotting and personable actors and you have a great pizza-and-beers night in.

Money Train

Release date: 1996

Like your films overladen with swearing, violence and misfiring attempts at banter? Then you’ll enjoy this Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes vehicle (pun intended) who play undercover cops guarding the subway train that is carrying an entire day’s takings for the network. All goes smoothly until Harrelson decides the money will pay off his debts…

Atomic Train

Release date: 1999

Not had enough rail excitement involving atomic bombs on board an out-of-control train? Well, with ‘Atomic Train’ you get what you see. This is a snowballing sequence of increasing peril disasters as a train crash leads progressively to a nuclear explosion and its after effects. It’s a great film for plot-hole and bad-science spotters everywhere.

Derailed

Release date: 2002

One word titles are back and it’s time for van Damme to kick some bad guy butt. The plot is typically OTT in the action vein and so-so in plot. By now the out-of-control train with hostages onboard storyline should never get green-lit but what do I know? Brain on standby, engage fun and action and good guys triumphing!

Death Train

Release Date: 2006

And still they come. By now all the good titles and even some of the bad ones have been used so now begins an era of title recycling. Terrorists steal a deadly virus, disguise themselves as monks and a nun and board a train to Lourdes. Seemingly this is an attempt to steal a load of money from the visiting Pope…

And finally…

If you thought it was safe to go back to rail then you’re going to be disappointed as there is no let up in sight to the silver screen disasters being served up. Amazingly there seems no end of scripts coming out of Hollywood and surely this will be tapped out soon (if not sooner!)

Unstoppable

Release Date: 2010

Last year witnessed the latest Tony Scott action film starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine. Its plot centres on two men who attempt to stop a runaway freight train. Damned by faint praise, it was nominated for an Oscar – for sound editing – it lost.

Guest blogger, Greg Coltman, writes prolifically about films and the entertainment industry. His last train trip was up to the gorgeous city of Edinburgh. Beautiful place.  Book your rail tickets today.

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1. Matthew Bellamy and Peter Facinelli

This is fun – you can play the degrees of Twilight game – Matthew Bellamy is in Muse, Stephanie Meyer’s – author of the crapulent Twilight novels – favorite band.  Peter Facinelli plays Carlisle Cullen, vampire doctor and lead of the Cullen vampire family, in the movies based on the novels.  Neat, huh?  Matthew Bellamy is engaged to Kate Hudson, who recently had his baby (they named him Bing) and Peter Facinelli is married to Jennie Garth.  They have three kids, named Luca Bella, Lola Ray, and Fiona Eve.  So, to sum up the similarities, which are not purely physical:

-blue/green eyes
-thin nose
-straight eyebrows
-similar lips
-blonde wives
-wives who are not very good actors
-weird kid names
-both affiliated in some way with the Twilight franchise – Bellamy’s music features prominently in the films, Facinelli acts in them.

2. Gwen Stefani and Holly Madison

Two blondes.  Very different career-wise.  Very similar looks-wise.  Gwen Stefani is a California Girl raised in a Catholic family.  Holly Madison, born Holli Sue Cullen, was born in Oregon and her religious upbringing is not mentioned on wikipedia.  Because honestly, would I bother looking elsewhere for information about her?  Gwen Stefani is a pop star, clothing designer, philanthropist, wife, and mother of two.  Holly is a former Hawaiian Tropic model who had a relationship with Hugh Hefner, starred on a reality program about it, and was on Dancing with the Stars (ie where reality stars go to die).  Holly has had multiple plastic surgeries, has dated many musicians, and is currently performing in a topless burlesque show in Vegas.  So let’s go over the similarities.  There aren’t many.

-blonde but probably not natural blonde
-brown eyes
-perfect nose (Madison’s is fake)
-perfect bodies (Madison’s is fake)
-similar skin tone

3. Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Heath Ledger, a well-respected and much-mourned Australian actor, died in 2008 because of a bad combination of prescription drugs.  He was The Joker in The Dark Knight, for which he was awarded a posthumous Oscar, and had been nominated for an Oscar for his work in Brokeback Mountain, and he enjoyed playing chess.  Joesph Gordon-Levitt, an American actor who got his start as a child, starred on Third Rock from the Sun, and went on to be in movies and on television.  Let’s go over the similarities and coincidences, shall we?

-similar facial hair
-similar eye shape
-similar jawline
-large foreheads
-dark eyes and hair
-they both appeared in the 1999 film 10 Things I Hate About You
-Joseph Gordon-Levitt will appear in the next Batman installment, Ledger appeared in the last one
-Ledger had an interest in directing.  So does Gordon-Levitt

4. Jeffery Dean Morgan and Javier Bardem

It’s kind of creepy how much these guys look alike.  I mean, I don’t even need to point out the physical similarities because these guys look almost EXACTLY alike.  So, I’m skipping the whole “they have the same chin” bits and getting to whether or not they have anything at all in common.  At first glance, not much.  Dean Morgan is from Seattle, and Bardem is from the Canary Islands.  That’s in Spain.  Upon second glance, these guys have very little in common, other than their looks.  Bardem is an award-winning international actor – Dean Morgan has done a lot of television and 15 movies, most notably Watchmen.  He’s won no awards as of yet.

5. Jennifer Garner and Hilary Swank

Admit it.  If someone said to you, before you saw this side-by-side, that Jennifer Garner and Hilary Swank looked alike, you may not have agreed.  But, taking a look at them right next to each other, there are some definite similaries in their appearances.  Garner, a Houston native who grew up in West Virginia, has had a successful television and film career, and is married to Ben Affleck.  They have two daughters.  Swank is a two-time Academy Award winner and is divorced from Chad Lowe.  Let’s go over the similarities, which are purely physical.

-similar beautiful lips and teeth
-similar chins
-similar jawline
-brown eyes
-skin tone

6. Chad Smith and Will Ferrell

I know, right?  The drummer for The Red Hot Chili Peppers and comedic actor Will Ferrell look so much alike!  But do the similarities end there?  Smith is a famed drummer, not only for his work with RCHP, but his project band Chickenfoot, with music powerhouses such as Joe Satriani, Sammmy Hagar, and Michael Anthony.  Smith is has three children from a previous marriage, and two with his marriage to an architect named Nancy.  They got married in the Bahamas, and Smith does charitable work and enjoys the Detroit Pistons and watching Saturday Night Live.  When Smith appeared on Saturday Night Live, he wore a T-shirt that read “I am not Will Ferrell.”  Ferrell is a comedic actor who got his start on Saturday Night Live.  He has only been married once, to a Swedish actress named Viveca, and they have three kids.

-similar eyes
-similar eyebrows
-similar face shape
-curly hair
-Smith watches SNL, Ferrell has starred on it

7. Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman

There are a lot of similarities (physical ones) here, except for Knightley just looking more, well, British.  Knightley was born in England, and has done movie acting and theater.  Portman was born in Isreal and is an Oscar-winning film actor.  The two of them look so much alike that when Keira Knightely played Sabe – Queen Amidala’s double in Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace, that when in full makeup their mothers could hardly tell them apart.  Let’s take a look at the similarities:

- brown eyes, shaped similarly
- dark brown hair
- similar lip shape
- similar eyebrow arch
- similar noses – Knightley’s is a bit thinner
- appeared in Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace as people who were supposed to look alike – and they did
- both very active in charitable organizations and political organizations

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 Jamie Campbell Bower

Male model and singer, Jamie Campbell Bower, 23 years old, has appeared in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, the later movies based on the Twilight novels, and the show Camelot, but he has yet to have a movie release where he is the star.  Perhaps that will change with the upcoming Anonymous – a movie about the idea that Shakespeare was not the author of the plays credited to him, and The Mortal Instruments, a movie based on the novel by Cassandra Clare.  You might recognize Bower from his short appearances in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I and II as Gellert Grindelward, and he is engaged to Bonnie Wright, the young actress who plays Ginny Weasley in the films.  Bower has shown promise in the movies he’s appeared in so far, and we expect to see great things from him.

Olivia Thirlby

You may recognize her by her hilarious role in Juno as Leah, Juno’s best friend and confidante.  Since then, she’s had roles in movies such as The Wackness and No Strings Attached, but no leading roles of note.  Thirlby, 25 years old, has six movies in the hopper, one completed, three in post-production, and two in pre-production, plus a TV pilot for a show called Good Vibes, also starring Adam Brody of The OC, Jake Busey, and Debi Mazar.  Hopefully one of these projects will lauch Olivia’s status into leady-lady land.

Juno Temple

The daughter of of a film producer and a film director, Juno Temple is 22 years old and poised for some great roles.  So far, she’s had bit parts in big films, like Atonement, Notes on a Scandal, and The Other Boleyn Girl, and leading roles in less-seen movies like Dirty Girl (also starring Mary Steenburgen and William H. Macy), Little Birds (also starring Kate Bosworth and Leslie Mann), and Year One (starring Jack Black and Michael Cera).  In retrospect, Year One is not necessarily a less-seen movie, considering it opened on 3022 screens), but did you actually see it?  Didn’t think so.  Hopefully, one of the many projects percolating for this young and talented actor will give her the kudos she deserves.  Temple is slotted to play Queen Anne in the upcoming reboot of The Three Musketeers, and she has two leading roles forthcoming in The Brass Teapot and Jack and Diane.  It is also rumored that she will have a role in the upcoming final installment of the Christopher Nolan Batman series, titled The Dark Knight Rises.

Max Irons

Max Irons (26) is the son of famed actors Jeremy Irons and Sinead Cusack.  He had a small role in 2009′s little-watched Dorian Gray, and appeared in Red Riding Hood, a film reviled by critics and snubbed by fans of the ever-popular vampire movies.  We happen to think Max is better than that, if his lineage and the shining performances in both films are to be taken into account.  Hopefully, his upcoming role as a young Antonio Vivaldi in the Boris Damast-written and produced film Vivaldi will make a difference, if for no other reason than Alfred Molina agreed to be involved.  Damast’s resume is a little light, but since this is his first screenwriting effort perhaps we’ll see something more promising direction-wise than the 1999 weird film Pros & Cons.  All we are saying, is give Max a chance.

Jaclyn Hales

Brand new to the movie scene, this 24-year old beauty has two movies in pre-production.  How do we know about her, you ask?  We were lucky enough to catch a screener of the upcoming film Unicorn City, where Hales plays the leading lady, Marsha.  The movie, a comedy about a LARPer who forms his own Utopian society for gamers to prove his leadership skills to get a job he wants, will be released soon, and you’ll notice that even though indie up-and-come Devin McGinn carries the show, and Jon Gries (of Napoleon Dynamite fame) gives a characteristically wonderful performance, Hales steals every scene she is in.  Her awkward yet loveable character’s attempts to gain McGinn’s character’s attention comprise the most amusing and touching scenes in the movies, and we expect great things of this young lady.

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“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

When Gone with the Wind’s dashing but morally challenged Rhett Butler realizes he’s had enough of the beautiful yet manipulative Scarlet O’Hara, he meant what he said as he walked off. This 1939 film transformed Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh from accomplished actors to matinee idols.

“I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

In 1972’s The Godfather, Marlon Brando’s portrayal of character Vito Corleone assured viewers that no one would refuse a request from this powerful, prominent yet fictional mafia figure.

“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

It was a seedy bar in Morocco, but that didn’t stop American expatriate Rick Blaine from falling for former flame Ilsa Lund in 1942′s Casablanca. Stars Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, and considered one of the “most beloved movies of all time.”

“I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

When Judy Garland’s young and naive Dorothy Gale winds up in an unfamiliar land in 1939′s The Wizard of Oz, she’s struck with a feeling of apprehension.

“There’s no place like home.”

Repeated like a mantra by Judy Garland’s Dorothy in the musical fantasy The Wizard of Oz, this quote ended up being the magic she needs to return home. To this day it reminds filmgoers about the importance of home and family.

“Show me the money!”

It was all about making it big and living large when promising pro-football Rod Tidwell demands that his hotshot agent score a lucrative player’s contract in 1996′s Jerry Maguire. The phrase made newcomer Cuba Gooding an immediate star and Oscar winner.

“I’m king of the world!”

If you’ve ever watched 1997′s romantic blockbuster Titanic, you’ll never forget the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Jack Dawson stands over Titanic’s bow, raises his arms in triumph and announces his confidence as he makes his way to a new life and love.

“May the force be with you.”

You need not be a fan of 1977’s Star Wars to recognize this popular phrase. Spoken by multiple characters in this sci-fi epic of good versus evil, the quote was a wish for good luck and safety.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Few moviegoers can forget the 1970 romantic drama Love Story. Starring Ali Macgraw as the dying Jennifer Cavilleri ,and her love Oliver Barrett played by Ryan O’Neal. Both characters expressed their love for each other by repeating this classic line. The American Film Institute voted “Love Story” one of the most romantic films of all time.

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”

In 1976, the film Network depicted Peter Finch’s newscaster character Howard Beale angrily shouting this sentence on-camera. The catch phrase became symbolic of anyone fed up with authority.

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

When a young stockbroker is taken under the wing of unscrupulous corporate raider Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) in the 1987 film Wall Street, he winds up schooled in business – and corruption.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

Taken from the 1989 hit When Harry Met Sally, this classic line was spoken when a fellow customer listens in on a private conversation in a diner. The film asks viewers if it’s possible for men and women to just be friends. (Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal)

“I’ll be back.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Cyborg in 1984’s The Terminator showed plenty of resolve when he’s sent back in time on a deathly mission. The phrase is often repeated when showing a determined spirit.

“If you build it, he will come.”

When Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) hears voices in the 1989 film Field Of Dreams, he suspects it’s a calling to construct a baseball diamond. As he sets about the task he gets the chance to learn about life, love and following your heart.

“You had me at hello.”

While the character Jerry Maguire revolved around the life of a self-absorbed sports agent, Rene Zellweger’s breakout performance as struggling single mom Dorothy Boyd made her an overnight sensation.

“Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes, it was beauty killed the beast.”

The classic 1933 film King Kong may have given some movie fans a scare when the oversized ape broke loose in New York City, but everyone left the film knowing the big guy had fallen hard for the beautiful Ann Darrow (Fay Wray).

“I feel the need, the need for speed”

Given the chance to enter the Navy’s highly competitive Flight Training School, Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Nick “Goose” Bradshaw recite this line while bonding in the 1986 classic film Top Gun, starring Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards.

“A martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

Sean Connery’s sophisticated spy James Bond and a good cocktail are typically what come to mind when people recite this classic phrase from the 1964 spy thriller Goldfinger.

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner”

Teenager Frances “Baby” Houseman may have rebelled from her parents while on vacation in the Catskills, but she gets support and a few dance lessons from resort dancer Johnny Castle in the 1989 film Dirty Dancing. (Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze)

“They’re here.”

Five-year-old Heather O’Rourke’s character Carol Anne was trying to watch television, but wound up viewing uninvited spirits in the 1982 paranormal thriller Poltergeist.

Jennifer Bradley is a lifetime lover of movies, and a blogger who writes for technology and new media sites. Recently she’s been testing and reviewing project management software, including Basecamp Project Management.

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Robert DeNiro - Little Fockers

Any movie that relies on its title to deliver 98% of its laughs is going to be bad. The fact that Robert De Niro decided to reprise his character is even badder. And as for you, Dustin Hoffman…

Meryl Streep - Mamma Mia

Unlike her co-star Pierce Brosnan, Meryl can actually sing. But hanging a whole lot of catchy songs onto a super-skinny plot is like hanging 20 wet towels onto a length of dental floss. Something has to give. In this case it was Streep’s reputation, albeit temporarily. Brosnan’s humiliation may take longer to live down.

Russell Crowe - A Good Year

Not even Russell’s wife would consider the Gladiator and Robin Hood star the right choice for a romantic comedy. But the Antipodean tough-guy gave it a shot and looked as awkward as Friar Tuck dancing with the Olsen twins. Crowe proved that lightweight roles requiring more than a modicum of charm are best left to fellow Aussie Hugh Jackman.

Liza Minnelli - Sex and the City 2

Ms Minnelli is the only child of two Oscar winners to win an Oscar herself, which is much more interesting and noteworthy than this appalling sequel. Liza won her Academy Award for her star turn in Cabaret, and even though that movie is nearly 40 years old it is still much fresher than the double-entendres and flaccid one liners contained in this turgid effort. Liza’s millions of fans will tell you she can do anything, so it is sad to report there is one thing she CAN’T do – sniff out a dog of a script that stinks from a million miles away.

Michael Caine - Austin Powers:  Goldmember

Michael Caine is one of the least discerning actors of all time, a man who believes in making hay while the sun shines. Michael has never met a pay cheque he didn’t like. But even he should have said he’d ‘think about it’ when presented with the script for Austin Powers: Goldmember. Austin Powers was funny the first time around and produced more than its fair share of giggles in the sequel. But by the time Goldmember rolled round, Austin’s mojo had been well and truly sat on by Fat Bastard and had all the life squeezed out of it. As Austin’s swinging father, Michael tries hard but even he can’t resuscitate this dead horse. At least he got to hang out with Beyonce for a few weeks. Yeah baby!

Paul Giamatti - Lady in the Water

Giamatti was on a real roll when he collided head first with this turkey. American Splendor, Private Parts, Cinderella Man and the wonderful Sideways made up just a fraction of his recent filmography when he decided to star in this  highly illogical fantasy from M.Night Shyamalan. Mr Giamatti must have been too busy making really good films to read the script for this one – or he must have forgotten that Shyamalan’s career peaked right at the start with The Sixth Sense and has been going downhill faster than a barrel of bad merlot.

Jack Nicholson - Anger Management

In which the Oscar winning Hollywood legend shares top billing with Adam Sandler. Enough said.

Martin Sheen - Apocalypse Now

OK, this isn’t a bad film by any stretch of the imagination and the line “I do love the smell of napalm in the morning” probably has a Facebook page all its own. But Martin Sheen should have really said NO to this one. Mr Sheen originally said YES because he wanted to work with Francis Ford Coppola. If his life’s desire had been to work with Penny Marshall, life would have been much easier for Martin. He had a bad time of it while filming the Vietnam epic in the Philippines. The demands of a hot and humid location, the odd psychotic episode or two, rat infested sets, excessive smoking and drinking and having to share his lunch with Marlon Brando was too much for Sheen, who suffered a near-fatal heart attack. Thankfully he survived and went on to mold his young son Charlie into the model citizen he is today.

Dani Bellamy is a professional writer, who loves good (and so bad they’re good) movies. She is currently exploring the fascinating world of collectable Japanese erasers and Kids Pencil cases at this uber Cool Pencil Case site www.coolpencilcase.com.

5. Psycho – The Bates Motel

The Psycho shower scene is surely one of the single most well known scenes in movie history, parodied a million times over (often with insane attention to the shots that went into the scene). It’s a masterwork of suspense: The shadow behind the curtain, Janet Leigh’s screaming face and the blood running down the plug-hole are images etched into the minds of people who have never even seen the film. And then there’s that piece of music…

So why isn’t this iconic scene higher up our list of virtually unusable movie bathrooms? Well, because the horror hinges on that silhouette behind the shower curtain. Whilst there’s a general advisory against stopping off at the Bates Motel, at least on the toilet you’d probably not be caught unawares (though you would literally be caught with your pants down).

4. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – Myrtle’s Bathroom

What’s a nice family friendly action adventure doing in amongst all these horror movies and mature rated titles, you might ask. Trust me on this one: the second floor girl’s lavatory in Hogwarts is not somewhere you’d want to sit down for a quick toilet break. This bathroom is home to the most annoying character in the Harry Potter series, which I’m sure you can appreciate, is quite a significant achievement. Not only is she dead (which means zero privacy) she has a habit of flooding the toilets whenever anyone points that out. And even in this PG rated film, she seems a little, you know, too interested in visitors to the stalls.

Worse still, it turns out that this bathroom is the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets itself, and that Lord Voldemort’s giant snake has been crawling through the plumbing. Even without considering the Freudian consequences of that, this is bad news. Unless you’re fortunate enough to catch its stare in the reflection of something. Just like everyone else.

Want the experience yourself? The video above shows the Wizarding World of Harry Potter bathroom where Myrtle resides. May just pass on that one next time in Orlando.

3. The Shining – Here’s Johnny!

Bathrooms pop up several times in the Shining (when Jack meets the Butler, ‘Delbert Grady’, who may be a ghost of the previous caretaker who went on a rampage), but the scene near the film’s climax is one of Film’s most frightening bathroom suites. Whilst quipping ‘Here’s Johnny!’ is one of the greatest moments in film improv, the thought of being locked into any tiny, dingy, inescapable space whilst your insane loved one hacks open the door with an axe is a cornerstone of human fear.

2. Full Metal Jacket – The ‘Head’

Stanley Kubrick sure liked setting the important events of his movies in the bathroom. Not only do we have Jack above bursting into the bathroom, axe in hand, but just about every other film contains at least one scene in the bathroom, even if it’s just young Alex having a long soak in A Clockwork Orange or David Bowman walking around bemused in a spacesuit in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

But by far his most disturbing Bathroom scene has to be in Full Metal Jacket, when the unbalanced Leonard Lawrence (nicknamed ‘Gomer Pyle’) is found sitting on the toilet with a face that shouts insanity. After maniacally drilling and shouting at the top his lungs, Pyle shoots his abusive drill sergeant and then bloodily turns the gun on himself.
It’s a shocking counterpoint to the full on intensity of The Shining’s horror. Deeply unsettling and unnerving. Hardly what you want when you’re trying to negotiate a bowel movement.

1. Trainspotting – ‘The Worst Toilet in Scotland’

Just from the title, you know this one’s going to be bad. Funnily enough, most of the real toilet horror stories out there are very real, and a good friend of mine assures me that most of them are Scottish. The very idea of ‘the worst toilet in Scotland’ therefore fills me with untold amounts of fear. Ewan McGregor drops his trousers with a bad case of diarrhoea and goes for a quick swim in the bizarrely spacious U-bend in search of his opium suppositories. It’s a foul moment in an utterly uncompromising film that will put you off Public toilets for the rest of your life.

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10 – GLaDOS – Portal

Films and books don’t hold a monopoly over evil computers and arguably one of the most enjoyable games of all time, Portal, sees the introduction of GLaDOS, or Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. The cake promising computer pretends to be Chell’s guide through the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre but the atmosphere changes somewhat when GLaDOS says that Chell is disposable.

9 – The Red Queen – Resident Evil

The Red Queen appeared in the resident Evil film and was tasked solely with preventing the T-Virus from spreading outside the Hive. In her relentless pursuit of this goal she shut off elevators, locked the building down, and attempted to kill anybody that tried to stop her. The use of an 8 year old girl as the supercomputer’s avatar only served to make it even more chilling.

8 – WOPR – War Games

War Operation Plan Response, WOPR for short or Joshua to the computer’s programmer was the main baddie in the 80s War Games film. WOPR has complete control over America’s complete military might and arsenal, and the world, as even, is only just saved in the nick of time.

7 – Master Control Program – Tron

Tron was a groundbreaking film in its time and relied heavily on psychedelic colours and weird graphic visuals; not least in the case of Master Control Program. The Master Control Program basically attempts to take over the world using nothing more than video game play.

6 – Viki – I Robot

I, Robot, which is based on a story by sci fi novelist Isaac Asimov sees human’s rely on robots with superhuman strength. Eventually, though, they attempt to control the human race and it’s down to Will Smith to stop them and their mainframe leader Viki.

5 – Nomad – Star Trek

There were several Star Trek computers that could have been chosen for the list but Nomad was certainly one of the most evil. Nomad sort of mistakenly heads off killing what it perceives to be all imperfections throughout the galaxy. Nomad is only eventually brought down by Captain Kirk’s incredible ability to talk anybody into submission.

4 – Proteus IV – Demon Seed

If all of the computers in the list up until this point have been evil then none have been so alarmingly creepy as Proteus IV who intends to become human by having his wicked way with Julie Christie in Demon Seed. Not a pleasant machine at all.

3 – Skynet – Terminator

One of the names that will have sprung to many peoples’ lips at the very beginning of this list is Skynet. Featuring in the various Terminator films, Skynet is a computer program that becomes self aware and then sends Arnie back in time to kill anybody that would stand in its way of total human domination and destruction. Fairly evil, then.

2 – The Ultimate Computer – Superman III

The Ultimate Computer is so evil and powerful that the mastermind behind Superman III didn’t really have to even think of a name for it, more just a description. The Ultimate Computer is one of few Superman foes that have posed any major threat to the Man of Steel.

1 – HAL 9000 – 2001: A Space Odyssey

However, there can be only one winner in a list of evil computers and that will always be HAL 9000 from the Arthur C Clarke novel and the Stanley Kubrick film version. Heuristically programmed Algorithmic computer may not rely on clean acronyms to provide his name but the threat of disconnection sees HAL attempt to kill all of the crew of the spaceship Discovery.

Amy Greenacre writes on behalf of ITHound.com, business technology article library; for the latest cloud computing white papers.

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