Most A-List celebrities are movie stars and sports heroes, so it should come as no surprise that they prize (and value) their bodies considerably more than the average Joe.

Below are the most bizarre body parts insured by our favorite stars.  They include everything from derrieres to chest hair.

Breasts – Holly Madison

Ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison insured her lady lumps for $1 million, making Dolly Parton (whose famed bosom is covered for a measly $600,000) look like a slouch.

The Butt – Jennifer Lopez

The butt that launched a thousand implants, various reports have Jennifer Lopez’s bootilicious rear insured for between $300 million and $1 billion.  But of late, J-Lo’s received some major competition for the junk-in-the-trunk crown.  Close on her heels is famed royal-in-law Pippa Middleton; Pippa’s Maid of Honor padding set off a world-wide craze and the tabloids just can’t seem to get enough of her trendy boots and skinny jeans.

Chest Hair – Tom Jones

That Tom Jones insured his chest hair for $7 million is particularly ironic considering how many people pay to have theirs removed.

Feet – Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley, of Irish dancing fame, insured his fancy feet for $39 million (apparently $38 million was too little?)  After all, he IS the Lord of the Dance.

Hands – Keith Richards

Provided the rest of him hangs together, Keith Richards’ hands will return a hefty sum of $2 million should anything happen to them.

Legs – Mariah Carey & Friends

Far and away the most popular body part to insure, celebrities seem to have a real paranoia of losing their legs.  For footballers David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo, this may make some sense – but Jamie Lee Curtis?  Really?

Mariah Carey – $1 billion

Cristiano Ronaldo – $144 million

David Beckham – $70 million

Tina Turner – $3.2 million

Heidi Klum – $2.2 million

Jamie Lee Curtis – $2 million

Angie Dickinson – $1 million

Rihanna – $1 million

Betty Grable – $1 million (1940s dollars, non-inflation adjusted)

Mary Hart – $1 million

Teeth – America Ferrara

America Ferrera  – of “Ugly Betty” and “Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants” fame – had her grill insured by Aquafresh for $10 million as part of a charity campaign.

Tongue – Gene Simmons

The KISS front man values his protruding muscular hydrostat at $1 million.  Just how he would lose this tongue is a mystery…

And some other random fun facts about crazy celeb insurance:

–  David Lee Roth’s sperm insured his sperm for $1 million to cover any potential paternity suits.

–  Cricket player Merv Hughes insured his famous trademark mustache for $317,000.

–  Funny man Ben Turpin was the first celebrity to insure a body part.  He valued his comical, often crossed eyes at $25,000 in the 1910s.

Katie has a love-hate relationship with celebrity culture and the insurance industry (in that order).  She is a conspiracy theorist who believes Pippa Middleton is a fraud perpetrated by the UK’s powerful skinny jeans lobby.

Song writing is a craft beset with clichés. Whether this is due to the fact that the English language isn’t quite as suited to rhyming as others (although, anyone whose seen the Eurovision song contest might have something to say about the musical suitability of a whole host of tongues), or if it’s just because people are lazy is the matter of much debate. Either way, hearing lines like “baby, I need you/ you make me fly/ so high/ in the sky” gets extremely tedious.

On the other hand, when wordsmiths over step themselves in the search for originality, the results can be equally disastrous and wonderful. Here’s a look at five of the best such examples:

“Solar Prestige a Gammon” by Elton John

“Solar prestige a gammon/Kool kar kyrie kay salmon/Hair ring molasses abounding/Common lap kitch sadin poor floundin”

Elton, ever concerned with co-ordination, seems to have decided to provide his wacky wardrobe with word play to match on this track. At first glance, the lyrics seem to be offering up some sort of coded message, but on closer examination it appears he’s simply having fun cramming the names of as many fish into his lines as possible. A little bit Edward Lear, this one, and that’s no bad thing…

“How I Wrote Elastic Man” by The Fall

“And they will ask me/ they will ask me/ how I wrote plastic man/ how I wrote plastic man”

Mark E Smith, arch sour-puss and leader of post-punk pioneers, The Fall, isn’t renowned as somebody who goes out of his way to make sense. Indeed, he seems to delight in causing confusion whenever he can. The song ‘How I Wrote Elastic Man’ is a case in point, featuring as it does the repeated line ‘how I wrote plastic man’, contrary to its title.

Apparently, Mark was trying to prove a point about journalists not listening to his lyrics properly and often misquoting them, in which case you’d have to say the line worked quite well, seeing as it is, to this day, still frequently misquoted as ‘how I wrote elastic man”. Can’t imagine why….

Come Together by The Beatles

“He bag production/ he got walrus gumboot/ he got ono sideboard/ he one spinal cracker […] he got muddy water/ he one mojo filter”

The Beatles, as widely beloved and undoubtedly influential as they were, did quite enjoy talking a bit of nonsense. Who wouldn’t, knowing a sizeable proportion of the human race will eagerly examine anything you say with a fine tooth comb?

The reason these lines in particular make the list is that they all sound like weird slang terms for nasty venereal diseases, or labels for sexual deviants. “Hey, stay away from that guy, he’s a real spinal cracker, you’ll probably catch walrus gumboot just from sharing an elevator with him…”

Is It Really So Strange by The Smiths

“I left the South/ I traveled North /I got confused – I killed a horse […]/ I left the North again/ I traveled South again /And I got confused – I killed a nun”

On the b-side to their 1987 single, ‘Shelia Take a Bow’, England’s favourite gloom-mongers posed the question “is it really so strange?” A quick look at the lyrics affirms that the answer has to be a resounding “yes!”

When he wasn’t stealing horses, stabbing nuns and migrating back and forth across Britain on a bizarre spree of random criminality, Morrissey gave the world some of the most enduring lyrics to be used in pop music. It seems genius takes days off.

Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart by Johnny Cash

“And now you say you’ve got me out of your conscience/ I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart”

Anyone will tell you, Johnny Cash could string words together in a highly affecting manner. Whilst the effect in question would normally be between heartbreak and righteous indignation, in the case of ‘Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart’, the reflex inspired is more likely to be the one associated with gagging.

Given that the second line of the song is the strangely poetic “in the bread line of your dreams I lost my place” it seems the song, as it progressed, followed a similar trajectory to poor Johnny’s heart, right down the toilet.

Will Kerr also writes for UK Net Guide, where you can find a wealth of information on all sorts of topics.

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1) “Dancing in the Street”

Martha and the Vandellas’ 1964 song got everyone out in the street and up on the dance floor. The fun-loving, happy-go-lucky tune that asked everyone to run outside and start dancing gained popular again when it was covered by the rock group Van Halen in 1982.
2) “Twist and Shout”

The Top Notes’ 1961 dance song makes everyone feel like letting loose. This tune’s happy, positive message was probably what captured the interest of The Beatles when they remade it 2 years later in 1963.
3) “Tainted Love”

Gloria Jones let everyone know that a bad love affair can be poisonous to the heart in her 1964 rendition of this Baby Boomer classic.  But it was new wave Soft Cells that had the cure when their moody techno version became a chart blockbuster back in 1981.
4) “Hound Dog”

Big Mama Thornton let everyone know that acting like a hound dog will only get you in trouble, when she released this catchy tune back in 1953. But it took some hip swiveling and the voice of Elvis Presley to make it a blockbuster hit with the Baby Boomers back in 1956.
5) “I Put A Spell On You”

Screamin’ Jay Hawkins had first dibs at “I Put a Spell On You,” back in 1956. But it was Credence Clearwater Revival’s remake that gave the song an extra touch of magic, when they released their version in 1968.

“La Bamba”

6) Ritchie Valens’ rock classic “La Bamba” may have achieved popularity when it was first released in 1958 but the song gained a whole new legion of fans when it was covered by the group Los Lobos in 1987 for the movie “La Bamba,” which depicted Valens’ short life and tragic end.
7) “Real Wild Child”

When Johnny O’Keefe and the Deejays came out with their 1958 rock classic, there was no way they could have possibly predicted that prolific punk-rocker Iggy Pop’s 1986 remake would show them what a real wild child looked like.
8) “Stay”

Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs’ mesmerizing hit, “Stay” may have captured the sound and feeling of love and yearning in 1964, but Jackson Browne’s 1977 live version took it in a different direction; encapsulating the sometimes lonely life of a touring musician.
9) “Time is on my Side”

Irma Thomas was the original voice behind this 1964 classic, which wound up gaining status as a true hit with a hint of the blues when the single was performed by the Rolling Stones that same year.
10) “Sea of Love”

Phil Phillips’ romantic ballad was the perfect song for a slow dance when it first came out back in 1959. Twenty-five years later, The Honey Drippers put their own spin on the this ballad when they covered it in 1984.

Ok, now you have ten great songs to get the ball rolling. It’s time for you to break out your old LP’s and 45’s and find a few more from that awesome musical era, or try making it a family game to come up with the next ten fantastic remakes!
J.C. Scott is a baby-boomer, and an avid blogger and Mac gamer. He believes everyone should try gaming on a Mac at least once because of the amazing graphics—it’s like being back in the 70’s! A cool place to start is download games for Mac, including card games for Mac.

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Being a television composer is a pretty thankless task, but then that’s just how we tend to regard TV anyway. Despite the praise that backs up shows like The Wire or the sheer longevity of shows like The Simpsons, we still tend to treat TV and the people who work in it as the amateur league equivalent of film.

This isn’t the only issue that informs this rundown of our greatest TV themes. The truth is, the art of the TV opening has died a rather unexpected death. With American networks continually paring down the time you get to actually tell a story by filling up a half hour slot with 10 minutes of commercials, a decision must be made between having an opening and having an entire extra scene in your show.

The US still finds time for proper openings in some of its shows, but such examples tend to either cram new material in every week (like the Simpsons couch gags) or be on networks with no advertising (Band of Brothers has a coffee break length opening because it’s on HBO). But around the world, having a ten second opening sequence is considered ‘bold’ and ‘ultra-modern’. I personally think we’ve lost something great as a result.

5. The Simpsons

Now, I won’t deny that The Simpsons’ opening theme is likely to divide opinion, but there’s nothing like the test of time to silence the naysayers. Baring the occasional Halloween variation and early versions in the show’s formative seasons, this is a theme we’ve been hearing for over twenty years. It’s iconic, memorable and a little bit annoying.

What makes it a remarkable piece of production music though, is the fact that Alf Clausen has had to revisit the Danny Elfman original and work it into countless pieces of incidental and closing theme music ever since the second season. We’ve had psychedelic versions, grunge versions, vegas show tune versions and versions that parody everything from Dragnet to The Adams Family.

And this opening is so much more than the music that accompanies it. Not every chalkboard gag has been incredible and not every couch gag has animated the entirety of human evolution. But they sure go all out when they get it right.

4. The A-Team

Stating the entire premise of your plot in the opening seconds of your titles is either a hilariously hamfisted  approach or a sign that you really understand your audience and the show itself. Thankfully, the A-Team wouldn’t know how to spell ‘subtle’ if the word was burnt into the side of a barn door in the middle of a nuclear testing range. This is a theme so gung-ho that makes you want to go outside a flip a jeep.

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb of course takes the complete opposite approach: contrast the awkward protagonist and his gloomy life with a tune so sunny and light-hearted that the gulf in between becomes the source of much hilarity. The song, ‘Frolic’ by Luciano Michelini joins a number of other public domain tunes in the same vein. And like much of the preceding music for tv, the tune owes as much to the context in which it is used as it does to the accomplishments of the composer.

2. Sanford & Son

The Sanford & Son theme tune is so iconic that for the longest time, I never even knew where it was from. This Quincy Jones composition, (officially called ‘The Streetbeater’) appears at length in Scrubs and pops up in one shot gags in Futurama and The Simpsons. Living in the UK, repeats of Sanford and Son are non-existent (I’m not convinced it originally aired here, considering that it’s a derivative of Steptoe and Son) whereas the constant rotation of those three comedy shows is enough to let you hear this wonderfully pompous tune at least once every month.

And the best thing about it? Quincy Jones claims he worked no more than 40 minutes on composing and recording it.

1. Doctor Who

The collaboration of Ron Grainer and Delia Derbyshire didn’t just create a memorable theme that is still being sampled in the same show nearly half a century on: the Doctor Who theme was pure science fiction brought to life. The work behind this half minute of haunting music was painstaking: cutting, splicing and playing sounds at different speeds isn’t rare nowadays, but the kinds of machines we have today simply didn’t exist. Manipulating single notes and test-tone oscillators, Derbyshire worked with analogue tape for hour upon hour to achieve the desired results before attempting to run several machines simultaneously for the final mix. If the theme is an imperfect match for the show it introduces, it’s only because the show isn’t otherworldly or innovative enough.

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#5- Prince

Every one of Prince’s songs is about making sweet, sweet love to a woman. This wasn’t fictional Michael Jackson love making music either. Prince really did all the stuff he sung about.  Seriously, Prince was making hump tunes before I was even born (Hell, for all I know Prince could be my dad). For some reason women couldn’t get enough of this guy. He was such a ladies man that Carmen Electra would dress up for him at night and patiently wait for him to show up at her house and sometimes Prince wouldn’t even show up. She even changed her name with Prince’s suggestion (her name isn’t really Carmen Electra… shh…)

This all begs the question…

What the hell did women see in Prince? He’s no taller then four feet and he’s had the same mustache since 1982. He also has a thing for high-heeled boots, he doesn’t believe in time, and he wears tighter pants then your sister. Sure he can play every instrument except the kazoo (Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in kazoos) but he’s so tiny. He’s like a beige umpa lumpa with a guitar.

4- The Beatles

When The Beatles burst onto the scene in the 60′s they were the hottest thing since sliced bread (sliced bread having been invented two years prior). From the moment the Beatles stepped off that plane, American women were swept up in Beatle mania. Young girls would faint at the mere sight John, Paul, George and Ringo… well not so much Ringo. It was like going to a Jonas Brother’s concert but with accents.

This all begs the question…

What were women on back then? These were four homely guys with shaggy haircuts, cheap suits, and bad teeth. Not to mention the fact that they all had silly accents. If any of the Beatles asked a women out under different circumstances they would’ve been laughed at, slapped and then had beer poured on them for “lookin’ different”. This was their “clean cut” phase too. Don’t even get me started on their “I’m a Hindu, and we all look homeless” phase.

3- Gene Simmons

Simmons is the blood-spitting, face-painted, front man of the shock-rock group KISS. On stage Gene would often do sexually charged tricks with his oversized tongue (which he became know for) and act like he was pleasuring the crowd. He claims his tongue “drives the ladies wild” which is probably a true statement considering the fact that he’s slept with over 4,300 women. That’s more then the entire population of the Falkland Islands.  Though Gene has now finally settled down with Playboy model Shannon Tweed.

This all begs the question…

Were those 4,300 plus women and Shannon Tweed blind? Having sexual feelings about Gene Simmons while he’s on stage is like getting aroused by the scary clown from IT, or a meth addicted mime, or even worse, the guys from Slipknot. Things don’t get much better once the make up is off either. Gene has the face of a bulldog. I’m not talking about one of those cute bulldogs. No, it’s the one that bites mailmen and eats your neighbor’s cats. Yet, he’s slept with more women the Brad Pitt.

2- Mick Jagger

Jagger is the charismatic front man of a little band known as the Rolling Stones (you may have heard of them). He’s been doing the sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll thing since the 1960′s; with a strong emphasis on sex and drugs (Rock & Roll coming in a close third). Over the years, Mick has slept with (and married) so many different women (and David Bowie) he’s probably lost count decades ago (He’s like 80 give the guy a break). Even into his mid 80′s (he is 80 now right?) Mick can still excite a crowd of senior citizen ladies. I’m sure they even throw a granny panty or two on stage to this day.

But this all begs the question…

Why? Why Mick Jagger? Sure he’s the lead singer for the Rolling Stones, I get that. I even get that chicks dig that odd chicken dance he does on stage…. But you can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t looked at Jagger before and thought to yourself “boy he sure looks like Julia Roberts if Richard Gere never saved her from a life of prostitution and heroin”. You can’t. Somehow, in spite of that look, he’s still managed to sleep with thousands of groupies and fame whores. We also have those ugly nights in the sack to thank for giving the world Ke$ha.

1- Rod Stewart

Rod Stewart is known as much for his music as he is for his promiscuity. He almost has as many kids (with seven that he knows of) as he does number one hits. Basically, Rod Stewart was a pioneer for the hip-hop artists of today when it came to fathering illegitimate children. This wasn’t just the on again off again Hollywood relationship stuff, either. Rod Stewart had a huge following of female fans. At his shows it wasn’t uncommon to see women charge the stage just to touch the singer or give him their underwear in person. Some ladies would even fight each other for his sweat rags that were thrown into the audience. Chicks love Rod Stewart.

This all begs the question…

Have these women ever taken the time to actually look at Rod Stewart? This guy looks like a 45 year old woman, and I’m not just talking about Rod Stewart now either. He’s looked like a middle-aged woman since the 1960’s. Everything about his look screams menopause, too. The short, feathered haircut, tight tank tops, his petite build, he even wears mom jeans. This can mean only one thing. Middle-aged women are attracted to other middle-aged women who make very bad elevator music.

Written by Justin from the multimedia humor site dontyouhatepants.net. Check it out.

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New Orleans House of Blues

Below you will find some of the best jazz clubs that New Orleans has to offer.

#1-Bombay Club- This is an upscale martini bistro and restaurant located in the center of the French Quarter. The décor is classic with wingbacks chairs, fine paintings and rich wood. You can enjoy jazz here every night.

#2-Maple Leaf Bar- This place was originally a music and chess club. It later became a place for poet readings and James Booker played piano recitals here. This is the place to visit if you like funky New Orleans music. They play a mixture of blues and funk, while the musicians here have been known to play music until the sun comes up.

#3-Polo Club Lounge- This place is decorated in a style which makes you feel like you just entered an English club. It has dining all day long, signature cocktails and one of the largest Cognac collections around. This is one of the local’s favorite spots to listen to jazz and enjoy a cocktail.

#4-House of Blues- This is the premier place to hear live music and feast on local cuisine. This club is located in the French Quarter and has hosted many world class musicians, including Eric Clapton and Fats Domino. You can enjoy a rousing Gospel brunch on Sunday mornings.

#5-Fritzel’s European Jazz Pub- This place offers traditional jazz by Ryan Burrage and Jack Maheu, Wednesdays through Sundays. During Mardi Gras and the Jazz Fest you can hear musical guests from all over the world.

#6-Palm Court Jazz Café- This place is located in a restored French Market warehouse. This is a classic dinner club that features some of the best traditional jazz musicians around. You can also dine on delicious British and Creole food.

#7-The Spotted Cat- Here you can find all types of music including funky jazz and blues. This place has at least two bands that play every night. The first band starts around 6pm and the second one around 9:30pm. This is a favorite hangout for the locals because of the wide range of music played here.

#8-Steamboat Natchez- You can enjoy soulful jazz while you are moving down the Mississippi River on this classic riverboat. It sails three times a day and the evening cruise includes dinner. This is a popular place so it is recommended that you make reservations in advance.

#9-French Quarter Bar- This is an upscale club where the celebrities like to hang out. It is located in the Ritz Carlton Hotel on Canal Street. The music is good here and Jeremy Davenport entertains the crowd with his singing and classic trumpet playing.

New Orleans is the best place to find the best jazz and blues bar’s in the nation. This eclectic city is the place to enjoy spicy Creole food and the best music you have probably ever heard.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCqjooCosw0

For a lot of people this is the beer pong theme song. Try changing this song  when someone is playing BP and you might end up on Youtube right next to the idiot that got beat up for requesting Sweet Caroline at a New York club. For what it’s worth I have personally seen up to streaks of up to 6 cups of beer in a  row when this song was playing, coincidence I think not.

7. Dog problems – The Format:

Now this is probably the one song on the list you haven’t heard of but  that’s OK because this is the song that no one knows what it is except the  group of badasses by the speakers who put it on. You will definitely go home and download this song given that you remember the night. I prefer this to bohemian rhapsody which a lot of people oddly like when they’re wasted.

6. Fat lip – Sum 41

And here comes the first true rock song of the list. This is the song where every guy goes “fuck yea!” as soon as the beginning guitar comes in. after the first set of notes the guitar gets heavier and the rioting begins. It will be nothing but obnoxious violence all the way until the words “Don’t count on me” come on. I shit you not the violence will stop and every one will hold their drink in the air and just sing and sway. As soon as it gets loud again though if you don’t want to get hurt you better head for the  couches. Only the stock market makes people go from violent to calm in  more dramatic fashion.

5. Tiny dancer – Elton John:

Now I know what you’re thinking how is tiny dancer a drinking song. You would be amazed how much drunk people get into this song. It always starts out with one person leading and by the chorus everyone has their eyes closed tight and their fists clenched singing in the highest voice they possibly can. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to reenact the bus scene from Almost Famous when your drinking with your good friends…. i rest my case.

4. Alcohol – Brad Paisley:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df53LWQuezQ
The song is called alcohol so you shouldn’t be surprised it made this list. And, wow, do drunk people love to yell alcohol as loud as they can as they down another half a beer half way through saying it. If you’re looking to piss off the neighbors when you have a party this is the song for you.

3. Drift away – Uncle Kracker:

This is that drinking song that even Dad will raise his glass to. A remake by Uncle Kracker this is one of those songs where everyone knows the chorus but only the true drunks know the versus. (don’t try to challenge your dad on this one remember this is the second version of the song he has heard.)

2. Friends in low places – Garth Brooks:

I don’t know if it is because of the live version or if the song just implies it but as soon as you hear the first guitar strum you just always yell at the top of your lungs after the first guitar strum. This is a song where everyone will drop what they’re doing and put their arm around the shoulder of the person next to them and sway back and forth with their beer raised in the air singing as loud as they can. This is the one country song that everyone can agree on when it comes to the jukebox in the bar.

1. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond:

It was a very close first and second place Neil gets the nod here, The songs quiet in the beginning but give it a couple seconds and the whole room will stop and before you know it there won’t be any one in the room who’s not extending their arm out to someone and reaching out. Plus what other song can you obnoxiously yell BAH, BAH, BAH with your fist acting as a hammer as it violently smashes through the air when your plastered… That’s what I thought. (Boston fans everywhere are smiling.)

by Nick

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