Great Actresses, Golden Statues, Horrible Clothes

It never fails to amaze me how many stylists are paid to pick out crappy outfits.  It’s like going to a restaurant and ordering food you could have made at home.  Stylists are supposed to have better taste than the average American.  Yet, so often, they don’t.

In honor of the approaching Academy Awards, below are a few examples of horrendous Oscar fashion.  The following actresses, all former winners and generally lovely looking ladies, chose to take their stylists’ advice and show up looking like—well, like they look below.  (Most of them would have been better off in jeans and a Gap T.)

1.  Gwyneth Paltrow

Shakespeare is no longer in love.  Looking more like a medieval serving wench than an Oscar-winning actress, Gwyneth Paltrow slouches down the red carpet, offering a little nip for good measure.  Maybe the tight hausfrau braid put a strain on her fashion judgment.

2.  Meryl Streep

The reigning empress of American acting, Meryl Streep can seemingly do no wrong on the silver screen.  With two Oscars, one for 1977’s “Kramer  vs. Kramer” and the other for 1982’s amazing turn in “Sophie’s Choice,” there is no doubting Streep’s acting acumen.  Unfortunately, her talents don’t seem to extend to the wardrobe.  At the very least, she could have changed out of her PJs…

3. Kate Winslet

I’m expecting her to beg for $300 to save Tara at any moment…  Kate Winslet proved an Oscar bridesmaid the year of “Titanic,” but the real tragedy was this dubious emerald ensemble.  She would go on to win an Oscar as a former Nazi prison guard in 2008’s “The Reader.”

4.  Cate Blanchett

It takes a brave woman to wear fashion’s version of the Bubonic plague.  Modeling Trekkie shoulders and a pleated paper plate, “Aviator” winner Cate Blanchett defines fashion misstep.

And Katharine Hepburn wouldn’t be caught dead in this.

5. Kim Basinger

Oh, Vicki Vale… Much like Kim Basinger’s career after “L.A. Confidential,” major sections of this dress are missing.  Half fencing jacket, half Jessica Rabbit cast-off, Kim’s not helping herself with the stringy hair and hoop skirt.  Of course, a single glove is always a winner…

6.  Cher

Yes!

7.  Geena Davis

There’s no way Louise is hanging with Thelma in this get-up.  Between the push-up corset and cockroach crushing booties, the “Accidental Tourist” Oscar-winner looks like a Can-Can girl minus the awesome dancing.

(And is it just me, or does she appear to be dragging along a pile of black laundry in the train?)

8.  Whoopi Goldberg

Pick your favorite:

No one’s gonna be making Whoopi in this outfit.

Here’s a leopard who should have changed her spots.

And we thought “Sister Act 2” was the worst it could get.

9.  Hilary Swank

Boys Don’t Cry, but I do.  After playing a boy and a boxer, Hilary Swank obviously thought she needed to boost the femininity quotient with a pink, transparent mosquito net.

10.  Angelina Jolie

In 2000, the “Girl, Interrupted” winner scored a smooch with her bro, reached for the golden idol then crawled back into her coffin before sunrise…

Katie L. Fetting is a Seattle-based writer who hopes when she’s nominated for her Oscar, a snotty writer (like her) won’t call her out for wearing skinny jeans, mildewed flip flops and a rainbow tube top.

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Posted by Katie Fetting on January 13, 2012. Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Movies, People, The List. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.