Top 5: Most Mind Boggling Male Sex Symbols Ever

Every decade has their very own sex symbols. The famous people that get the young and sometimes even the old of a generation aroused. Sometimes they set the trends or just look good on film. Some sex symbols change how our culture thinks about sex like Elvis Presley, but others make you just scratch your head and think what in God’s name do they see in that guy?

#5- Prince

prince

Every one of Prince’s songs is about making sweet, sweet love to a woman. This wasn’t fictional Michael Jackson love making music either. Prince really did all the stuff he sung about.  Seriously, Prince was making hump tunes before I was even born (Hell, for all I know Prince could be my dad). For some reason women couldn’t get enough of this guy. He was such a ladies man that Carmen Electra would dress up for him at night and patiently wait for him to show up at her house and sometimes Prince wouldn’t even show up. She even changed her name with Prince’s suggestion (her name isn’t really Carmen Electra… shh…)

This all begs the question…

What the hell did women see in Prince? He’s no taller then four feet and he’s had the same mustache since 1982. He also has a thing for high-heeled boots, he doesn’t believe in time, and he wears tighter pants then your sister. Sure he can play every instrument except the kazoo (Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in kazoos) but he’s so tiny. He’s like a beige umpa lumpa with a guitar.

 

4- The Beatles

the-beatles

When The Beatles burst onto the scene in the 60′s they were the hottest thing since sliced bread (sliced bread having been invented two years prior). From the moment the Beatles stepped off that plane, American women were swept up in Beatle mania. Young girls would faint at the mere sight John, Paul, George and Ringo… well not so much Ringo. It was like going to a Jonas Brother’s concert but with accents.

This all begs the question…

What were women on back then? These were four homely guys with shaggy haircuts, cheap suits, and bad teeth. Not to mention the fact that they all had silly accents. If any of the Beatles asked a women out under different circumstances they would’ve been laughed at, slapped and then had beer poured on them for “lookin’ different”. This was their “clean cut” phase too. Don’t even get me started on their “I’m a Hindu, and we all look homeless” phase.

3- Gene Simmons

gene-simmons-magazine

Simmons is the blood-spitting, face-painted, front man of the shock-rock group KISS. On stage Gene would often do sexually charged tricks with his oversized tongue (which he became know for) and act like he was pleasuring the crowd. He claims his tongue “drives the ladies wild” which is probably a true statement considering the fact that he’s slept with over 4,300 women. That’s more then the entire population of the Falkland Islands.  Though Gene has now finally settled down with Playboy model Shannon Tweed.

This all begs the question…

Were those 4,300 plus women and Shannon Tweed blind? Having sexual feelings about Gene Simmons while he’s on stage is like getting aroused by the scary clown from IT, or a meth addicted mime, or even worse, the guys from Slipknot. Things don’t get much better once the make up is off either. Gene has the face of a bulldog. I’m not talking about one of those cute bulldogs. No, it’s the one that bites mailmen and eats your neighbor’s cats. Yet, he’s slept with more women the Brad Pitt.

2- Mick Jagger

mick_jagger

Jagger is the charismatic front man of a little band known as the Rolling Stones (you may have heard of them). He’s been doing the sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll thing since the 1960′s; with a strong emphasis on sex and drugs (Rock & Roll coming in a close third). Over the years, Mick has slept with (and married) so many different women (and David Bowie) he’s probably lost count decades ago (He’s like 80 give the guy a break). Even into his mid 80′s (he is 80 now right?) Mick can still excite a crowd of senior citizen ladies. I’m sure they even throw a granny panty or two on stage to this day.

But this all begs the question…

Why? Why Mick Jagger? Sure he’s the lead singer for the Rolling Stones, I get that. I even get that chicks dig that odd chicken dance he does on stage…. But you can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t looked at Jagger before and thought to yourself “boy he sure looks like Julia Roberts if Richard Gere never saved her from a life of prostitution and heroin”. You can’t. Somehow, in spite of that look, he’s still managed to sleep with thousands of groupies and fame whores. We also have those ugly nights in the sack to thank for giving the world Ke$ha.

1- Rod Stewart

rod-stewart

Rod Stewart is known as much for his music as he is for his promiscuity. He almost has as many kids (with seven that he knows of) as he does number one hits. Basically, Rod Stewart was a pioneer for the hip-hop artists of today when it came to fathering illegitimate children. This wasn’t just the on again off again Hollywood relationship stuff, either. Rod Stewart had a huge following of female fans. At his shows it wasn’t uncommon to see women charge the stage just to touch the singer or give him their underwear in person. Some ladies would even fight each other for his sweat rags that were thrown into the audience. Chicks love Rod Stewart.

This all begs the question…

Have these women ever taken the time to actually look at Rod Stewart? This guy looks like a 45 year old woman, and I’m not just talking about Rod Stewart now either. He’s looked like a middle-aged woman since the 1960’s. Everything about his look screams menopause, too. The short, feathered haircut, tight tank tops, his petite build, he even wears mom jeans. This can mean only one thing. Middle-aged women are attracted to other middle-aged women who make very bad elevator music.

Written by Justin from the multimedia humor site dontyouhatepants.net. Check it out.

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Posted by on October 5, 2010. Filed under Entertainment, Music, People. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to Top 5: Most Mind Boggling Male Sex Symbols Ever

  1. Boo to the Beatles section. They were totally hot, and they were British, so you know American women loved the accents. Plus, they were super talented, and that is sexy as hell.

    I would replace them with Sting. That dude is not sexy.

  2. Add Tom Cruise to this list. He looks like a lollipop kid… That’s not even a short joke, he looks like a bloated pixie with horse teeth.